Millions of people have married someone they thought was the “right” person, only to realize years later they chose wrong and end up getting a divorce. Why is this mistake so common among love seekers? The answer is this: something or someone that looks good and seems good, if it is not God’s will for you, will not be good at all.
In this blog post, I will describe three typical behaviors that might resemble men you have dated or possibly will date in the future. These behaviors illustrate that they may not be interested, ready for commitment, or taking things as seriously as you are. I have called these behaviors Red flags.
Red flags mean there are things that need to be worked out, clarified, changed or resolved before continuing with the relationship. A red flag will make you ask to yourself, “Is this really what I want and deserve?”
You might find that some of these scenarios are familiar to you and think, "Oops! Seems like she's describing just the guy I'm dating." With each red flag I will give you a piece of advice to follow.
RED FLAG #1: You don’t know the “status” of your relationship.
Have you ever dated a man who never officially asked you to be his girlfriend and you didn't know the status of your relation? I did, and I felt so confused and insecure because I didn't know where things were heading. If you are in that situation, your greatest fear might be that he is wasting your time. Maybe you're afraid to ask him where are things heading because you don’t want him to run away. Therefore, you decide not to put pressure of any kind, you play it cool and fun, but deep inside you are desperate to have an answer to all your questions.
No woman should ever find herself in this situation. Before you let a man treat you as a girlfriend, wait for him to make a proposal to start a relationship. This will allow you to know what his intentions are and where things are heading. That proposal can be something such as:
“I would like start dating you exclusively. What do you think?”
“Would you like to start a relationship?”
“Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
“I would like to know if you are ready to take a step further in our relationship.”
Do not scratch your head wondering what are you for him. If you don't know, don't be afraid to ask. You want to know that he considers you his girlfriend, that he is dating you exclusively and that he is committed to you.
RED FLAG # 2: You don’t know if he is ever going to propose.
This concern is common among women who have been dating for a long time, perhaps for several years. They feel ready to take their relationship to the next level. However, there has been no marriage proposal or any sign that it is coming. It is important that you are sure you are not wasting your time with a man who is not ready for commitment.
There are women who spend years waiting for this marriage proposal and it never happens. The difficult thing about this situation is that when a woman is waiting for a proposal, very surely her heart and feelings are already so invested in the relationship that she prefers to stay in it rather than letting go of the man she loves.
To prevent this situation from happening, my advice for you is to pursue courtship relationships, rather than just casual dating. Courtship is dating with commitment while abstaining from sexual intimacy until marriage, this is a more godly approach. The ultimate goal of courtship is to take the relationship to the altar.
RED FLAG # 3: He is lukewarm all the time.
There is nothing more confusing and emotionally exhausting for a woman than to be dating a man who is sending two different messages: One day he calls you and tells you how much he misses you, but then several days go by without you hearing from him. One day he tells you he loves you, but when he is with you he does not treat you with romance, nor do you feel loved and appreciated. One day you send him a text message and you wait for a day or longer without receiving a response from him. It this is the treatment you are getting, you are surely wondering, “what's going on?”
When a man is lukewarm with you this is a clear red flag. Take a deep breath, slow down and give yourself an opportunity to continue to know him more. Pay close attention to how his treatment towards you evolves in a matter of a couple of weeks or months. Time alone will reveal a lot of things. It is always advisable to have an open conversation with your partner and express those things that bother or worry you. Do not jump into quick conclusions or make judgments about him without first having a conversation with him and know what he is thinking. Maybe he does not realize that his detachment or lack of attention are hurting you. However, if after some time things continue to be the same or worse, I think you deserve something much better than being treated that way.
Pray so that God reveals to you the true intentions of that person. If there is something hidden you should know, ask God to reveal it. The Bible says that God will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart (1 Cor. 4:5). Once his real motives are revealed you can make better decisions about whether or not to continue with that relationship.
In my book, Love On Hold, I dig deeper into the topic of how to leave aside worldly dating and to pursue love and relationships in God's way. If you got something out of this blog post, this is just the tip of the iceberg! Get the tools you need to navigate your journey as a single woman with Love On Hold.
For the love you truly deserve,
Cintia Stirling
